In our country, the idea of being selfish carries with it a negative connotation. We are taught from a very early age not to be selfish but rather to share with others, to think of others, and to take care of others. Common thinking is that being selfish is bad.

I believe that selfishness is misunderstood and it’s time to set the record straight and embrace the act of being selfish. Being selfish is not bad. To be selfish actually means to take care of one-self. Only when you first take care of yourself are you able to take care of others.

This point is clearly illustrated on the pamphlets in the back pocket of every seat in every commercial plane in the world. If the oxygen masks deploy, strap yours securely to your face first, then take care of your youngster.

New parents face this dilemma time and again throughout their baby’s infancy. Eventually they learn that ignoring their own need for rest or food or 15 minutes alone while their partner takes over impacts in a very real and negative way their ability to take care of their baby’s needs.

Attending to your own needs in this way is, therefore, not a selfish act but is actually a selfless one. Putting yourself first sometimes is the only way you will be able to put someone or something else first at other times.

I have struggled with this dilemma many times over the course of my life so far. I felt torn when making the decision to stay in Los Angeles even though I firmly believed that my home, and the home of all Jews, was Israel. Not returning would be to abandon what I had long believed to be my responsibility as a Jew. To stay meant I would be allowing myself to seize upon the opportunities available to me in LA that I would not find in Israel. I decided to put my needs first and to stay.

When I was a young mother, I decided to seek my doctorate degree. I had to lean heavily on Jerry, my loving husband, to take care of our little ones while I attended classes and studied at night. It was a very tough time for all of us, but achieving my goal allowed me to then focus more energy and time on my children later. I had to take care of my own needs first in order to better take care of the needs of others later.

When faced with a decision that would force you to choose between meeting your own needs or meeting the needs of another, think about how putting your own needs off may actually hurt your ability to take care of the other person’s needs.

Take some time to be selfish now and everyone will thank you for it later.

-Dr. Erica Miller