In the pursuit of passion, some people encounter a tug-of-war between being selfish and selfless. Early on, I knew that I wanted to be a healer and provide comfort, solace, advice and solutions to people whose lives were in turmoil, chaos and dysfunctional.

Yet, I grew up in a traditional home, where women were supposed to put spouses and children first. I felt guilty for wanting to pursue my education and a career, so I decided to research the topic about the impact of working mothers on young children.

During my investigation, I came across the book, “Art of Selfishness” written by David Seabury (1937). He was an American psychologist and author of 15 books. The main point he made was that before you can take care of others, you need to be able to take care of yourself. In this context, selfishness is not evil. Instead, it is the ability to make sound decisions about the things that are important to you and thereby earn the confidence, respect and trust of others. A perfect example of self-care that most people are familiar with is during the flight attendant’s announcements before take-off. They say something like, “In case the cabin loses pressure, an oxygen mask will drop down. Please put your mask on first and then help your children.”

People who have a strong sense of self can be very healthy. They know what they want and don’t tend to let others manipulate, take advantage or side-track them from pursuing their passion and goals. These are individuals, who because of their selfishness, create more time for worthy endeavors.

On the other hand, there are times when it’s important to put family, friends or work first. It takes an emotionally intelligent person to explore the circumstances at hand and recognize that a completely “me-oriented” style can be detrimental to our society. In the end, selfishness is neither good or bad. It is just one aspect of behavior that needs to be developed and applied wisely.